Delimit My Life

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" ~ Hellen Keller

Archive for the tag “life”

Love is more complicated than a fairytale

Losing-your-first-love

You may say of course, no shit, but I was victim to forever, living in a fairytale with a story book ending. I was lost in a state of mind where love never faded and it had no limits. No place to hide or run away. It was simply boundless, overflowing from my heart, with nowhere to go but to her. There are no words to fully describe her. In my mind, she was more than human, more than she could be, and I placed her on such a high pedestal that I never realized I left her behind. Continue on…

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Day 23 What is my purpose?

As a young child, this question never really entered my mind. I was fine with living moment to moment, enjoying those long summers that lasted a life time. However as I grew, I like most kids asked a lot of questions always wanting to know how things worked or why it worked. “Why” became my new favorite word because it helped me to retrieve information quickly. I soon figured out that everything had a purpose, a place in this world. It didn’t take long though for the question to make a 180 degree turn forwards me. What is my purpose?

This simple question started me on a journey of self discovery.  Being raised religious, my early thoughts focused on God. Having been told that God placed us here, I reasoned that he had to know my purpose, my place. I started studying my religion closely trying to figure out what He was telling me. I would pray and wait for the answer, a sign of some sort, but nothing happened. I rapidly became frustrated with not knowing, not a lot of patience back then, so I moved on. I assured myself that if the big man upstairs wasn’t going to answer me then I was going to find it out another way.

Soon after, I fell in love with the ancient philosophers. They were asking the same questions I was, long before I was born, and they had written in detail their own thoughts. These were ideas that I could absorb, analyze, and understand for myself. However, I made little progress on finding my purpose, quickly realizing that philosophy is about asking questions that don’t have answers. This didn’t help me much since I wanted an answer. How can I live a life without purpose? It made life seem meaningless or pointless, and I didn’t want to live that way.

For a long time, I would just debate anyone on the topic and argue to the point of serious friction. The issue was that no one’s answer seemed to be adequate. I even searched through different religions looking for an answer. Every religion had their own, but I realized that they were all alike that the foundation on which most religions are built is the same. Consequently, I finally gave up on religion having an answer for me. I am not against religion rather I figured out that I don’t fit well in a confined way of thinking.  I question everything because there are no absolute facts in my mind. I have little faith in the unknown so I search through it looking for answers.

So then what is my purpose? As it happens in life, sometimes the simple questions have simple answers. You create your purpose! So idiotically simple that one would think everyone already knew it. However, I did not and I expect other people did not either, because the problem of finding your purpose starting by knowing the answer. But knowing the answer doesn’t give you a purpose. No, it only complicates the task of now having to create a purpose. However that is what is so wonderful about the answer, you get to choose my own purpose in life. It may be a little frightening because how do you choose?

You find that one passion that lights your heart on fire and makes life feel boundless. Then you grab a tight grip on that blazing chariot inside and ride it all the way to the sun. Let it drive your purpose in life so that you may always be moving forward!

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it fearlessly.  ~ Steve Maraboli

Day 19 I will not die an unlived life

While searching online for the fear of the unknown, I came across a short poem. The first line immediately grabbed my attention by its powerful language. I was struck frozen by the elegant word play so beautifully crafted. However, it was its essence that made me read it over and over, while it played and teased with my thoughts. I knew that only a person who has experience true hardship could have ever written such a powerful piece of work that strikes at the heart of its readers.

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible; to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom, and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

~ Dawna Markova

Dying is a powerful fear but fading away is what truly scares people. Everyone dies, it is just a time and place, which is why I don’t fear it. It is enviable and therefore unstoppable. To me death is easy; it is what leads up to death that is hard. Life! I fear the resulting accumulated of my life rather than its ending. Some people fear dying alone, being forgotten by history, leaving no family legacy, wishing they had done more, however these all stem from the same root. No one wants to end up with regrets in how they lived their life.

This is the realization that explodes out of the poem. We all live one life, and we have but to choose to live it to its full potential. Through the failures that smack us down to the successes that carry us up, we have a choice to stop living in fear. We are all so powerful and unique yet many remain afraid, thinking of themselves as unworthy, to become successful in life.

For me, the most thought provoking line, “I choose to risk my significance”, makes my mind twist and turn at the unwanted meaning. Amazing, how the poem has me debating myself causing turmoil to my held beliefs. But, I have learn to question everything even thoughts I believed to be true. My fear is that when I die I will be forgotten (4). I want to make an impact, to be remembered. However Dawna, so significantly states, could live without this, being happy as a stepping stone for others and helping them progress along life. This raises a question that should be ask by everyone. What is consider a fulfilled life? Maybe, for me, that of a successful man, a loving husband, a caring father, a heroic citizen, a renown scientist, or a simple man, it is a question for which I do not have an answer yet.

There is one thing for sure, I will not die an unlived life!

Day 5 Freaking Cold Shower

From time to time, I like most have my ups and downs. Life progresses at a leisurely pace and then suddenly it gets unbearable with no moment to breathe. This common theme, share by most about life, can be applied to my challenge. Some days the water is quite enjoyable and a refreshing start to the day. While other days the water feels horrible, even insufferable, and the unpleasantness of the entire situation makes me never want to go through it again. However, the water never changed, it was always cold, but something else had to have. If you look around the world, it doesn’t change, it is just a relentless machine moving forward where the strongest survive. Similarly, the shower stays constant, its temperature does not falter, and it is how I perceived it that changed it in my mind. It is the stressors add by life which weigh us down, altering our view. Therefore, it is the individuals’ choice to choose how to view the events of life.

It’s been a few days since my flight and I am still adjusting to the new time zone. The cold showers really help wake me up in the morning. Today, I turned on the water and tested the temperature like normal. It almost felt warm, and I thought well this is going to be easy but then suddenly the temperature dropped. I mean the water felt freaking cold and I actually hesitated in getting in. The same old thoughts began running through my head telling me that this was a crazy idea. I froze for a second while a shiver ran down my back. One thing I have been learning is how to shut those thoughts off and just hop in. Understanding that the discomfort is short lived, like most parts of my life, and that I will eventually adjust to it.

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? ~ Hunter S. Thompson

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