Delimit My Life

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" ~ Hellen Keller

Day 22 How is it lonely…?

Alone but surrounded by people by ~LedZaid

The question I was asked: How is it lonely if you were with someone willing to dance with you?

Some background, I went to my high school prom with a friend and, although I had a date, I ended up feeling lonely the whole night. That would seem a little counter-intuitive since I had a date for the entire night and someone to dance with.  Well loneliness is an internal feeling so in some ways it was my fault.

Let’s see, what circumstances would lead me to feeling lonely on my prom night? Wow, just saying that made my whole experience sound cliché. First, I would probably have to not know my date very well and not have a lot in common to talk about. Check! Second, my date would not dance with me directly. All right a little difficult since its prom. Solution, she would rather dance in a group of her friends but I don’t blame her since the music they played wasn’t for slow dancing. Third, I should probably not know any of the people in the group so that I can be as awkward and unfamiliar as possible. Check! Fourth, my date has to be as clueless as possible or at least pretend to be. I don’t know but again check!

The result is me dancing by myself surrounded by people I don’t know. We have all seen the movies where that girl, maybe guy, is dancing her heart away, alone. Yeah, that is just not me, don’t get me wrong I like to dance but with someone. I wanted that typical prom scene (internal romantic) where my date and I dance to that perfect slow song, but no I just got rave music. That’s what I get for watching too many Hollywood movies.

Then comes the after prom party. Our school decided it would be awesome to throw it at a movie theater; at least I got to watch a movie. Actually, I don’t remember it all because I was pretty distracted. No, the night did not go that way. Rather my date’s friend decided to sit next to us and talk with her for the entire time. Movies are good for being absorbed but if that doesn’t happen then you just find yourself in a dark theater alone. So I got frustrated and left the movie. I know I felt bad but she was talking up a storm so I didn’t really see the harm. She didn’t even realize until much later.

While I was free, I decided to have my cards read to me. I don’t really believe in the stuff, scientist mind, but I always try new things. This was the best part of the night. After picking my three cards from the deck, the ladies face turn sour. I mean I could see the sadness growing in her eyes. I normally count this as the performance but she seemed truly sincere. Then she said “do you want the good new or the bad news?” Are you kidding me? Well I wasn’t in the best of moods so I said bad news. I don’t remember exact words but she said I would have serious relationship issues in the future and that they would all end very badly. For the good news, I have no idea. Guess I didn’t pay attention. The warning was just another cliché because if you have been in a relationship then you know they always end badly for someone. Don’t be fouled into thinking otherwise.

However, the warning does spark an internal fear. Will I ever find that one person who completes me, fills that lonely void in my heart. I was a very different person back then, and if I believe in the fate that was told to me. Then I would hope that changing and improving who I am would be the best way to alter my destiny.

It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate. ~ Henry David Thoreau


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2 thoughts on “Day 22 How is it lonely…?

  1. So proms and homecomings haven’t changed much since the mid-’60s. The basic problem is that they’re contrived events and we’re supposed to have fun, but that’s no guarantee that will really happen.
    As I look back, I’d say some of us were too lacking in the awareness you’re expressing — a desire for a deeper connection. My, were we repressed and inhibited!
    As for those tarot cards, forget it. You’re looking for three-dimensional people.

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