Delimit My Life

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" ~ Hellen Keller

Day 17 Loving Unconditionally

“What you are saying is that you would not give a thief your stuff if he had a gun pointed at you” argued Sam. “No, it is my stuff and I would fight for it” exclaimed James. “The probability of the theft shooting me is probably low anyways.” Sam stifles, “But you could still die! There is a chance that you be shot so why take it?” James quickly snaps back, “There is always a chance that you will be shot, even if you give your stuff away.” Sam is just flabbergasted, “That is crazy! Do you not care if you die?” “No, why should I? If I die I die.” states James. “Well, that’s depressing. What about you family and friends?” says Sam. James dryly replies “What about them?” “Well… won’t they care?” asks Sam. “Most likely but that has nothing to do with me giving my stuff to a theft.” answers James.

Shocked, Sam says “It has everything to do with it because they are a reason to live.” James slowly replies “I didn’t say I wanted to die but if it happened then there would be no point in my worrying about it. When it’s your time it’s your time.” Sam just sits there with a horrid look on his face. “I didn’t know you cared so little…” James says, “What makes you think that? I love my life but I look at life differently than you. I would fight to keep my stuff because it is mine.” Sam smiles and replies, “But would you do this if a gun was really pointed at you? You… staring down the barrel of the gun realizing, as the panic freezes every muscle, that you might just die! Would you really fight?”

James frowns, “I don’t know. I have been in many fights, ganged up and beaten, but I always stood my ground.  I have been scared shitless as a group of boys surrounded me with no escape. I never won, yet I always faced my enemy head on. It may have been pride or just plain stupidity but I always held my ground.” Sam agrees “I understand your pride. You don’t want the theft to take your stuff because you’re a man. However, you have to think about the other people in your life. How your actions will affect them!” James retorts “I don’t think like that. If I constantly thought about how my actions affected other people then I would never make a decision. This is my life and no one else!” “But you are connected to others, you affect others!” yells Sam. “Your point?” replies James.

Jenny interrupts “You would give your stuff away if you had a wife and kid, right?” “Yes, of course!” says James without thinking. “Hah! So you would” laughs Sam. “Obviously, I would have to think about my wife and kids because I would be responsible for them” says James. “I guess we have come to some sort of agreement then” smiles Sam. “To a degree…” bargains James. “Aghh thank heavens it’s over. You guys just argue forever and ever!” laughs Jenny.

I have an argumentative spirit. I get passionate about things but I try to understand other people’s perspectives. This was a sample of a debate I had over summer with a new friend. What is great about debating is that it forces you to face the facts because they are being thrown at you. They bring to the surface new emotions and thoughts that were hiding. I realized that I have built up walls against the people in my life and to love in general. After talking about a wife and kids I laughed because I was scared. I feared that I have built up so many walls in my life that I would never truly connect with someone special. I feel like I’m miss out on love because I am too scared to let anyone in. However when I thought about my future wife and kids, I realized that I already loved them unconditionally which only made me more scared.

2. I have placed so many walls around my heart that I don’t think I know how to love.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi

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